Wow. I am unable to put into words how blown away I am by the instant and overwhelming show of support you have given me in regards to this blog. It affirms to me in every way that this truly is an avenue that God has chosen to reveal Himself to us, and also gives me the complete assurance that He fully intends to recognize and honor our decision to search for Him amidst our everyday lives.
With that said, I must admit that there have been many times today in which I have been overcome with anxiety as I contemplated my role here, and the pressure of being on "center stage" for our Lord. I was weighed down by feelings of inadequacy, and plagued with bewilderment as to how (and why) the God of the universe would trust His disciples to come alongside someone as unequipped as me. I thought of about twenty other people who I was sure He must have mistaken me for, about twenty other things I thought I could do for Him in lieu of hosting this very public arena, and about twenty things I have done in my past that should most certainly disqualify me from this type of service. I feel I am not worthy enough, I am not educated enough, and I am not prepared enough to be His voice to those of You who are seeking to find Him, to follow Him, and to commit Your lives to Him.
And do you know what He told me? That I'm absolutely right. I am not worthy. I am not equipped. To this day I continue to fail Him over, and over, and over again. And then He proceeded to reveal to me that this is exactly why He has chosen me. Because I could be any one of you. I am every one of you. I do not have the answers. I am still trying to determine my own path. I am still facing consequences everyday for poor decisions I have made in the past. But He reminded me clearly today that He is a God who has not given up on me. He knows everything about me, knows my mistakes, my regrets, my doubts, and still loves me so much that He could not withhold this opportunity for me to try and do something right. Something meaningful. Something that may have eternal rewards. It floors me that even with everything I have done to seemingly halt the spread of His Word; the missed opportunities to witness, the endless decisions to remain silent, the giving in to the fear of being thought of as "different" because of my love for Him, the many, many times I have fallen short of being the Godly woman He has called me to be, that even now, especially now, He trusts me. He still believes in me. And He has chosen today to provide me with everything I need to speak to His beloved people on His behalf. The responsibility that accompanies this trust is far and away one of the most precious gifts I have ever received.
I love what this says about the God we have chosen to serve. He is a God who, regardless of our many shortcomings and obvious selfish ways, desires to grant us the chance to prove ourselves to Him. He knows our potential, He instilled in us this potential, and wants nothing more than to see us reach it. He has given every one of us very specific, unique qualities. Wonderful characteristics fully intended to be used to spread His Word, and once we make the decision to come before Him, ask Him to reveal to us these gifts and how He wants us to use them, He will quietly step in and gently guide us in the right direction. We just have to be humble enough, and willing enough, to allow Him.
Dear Lord in heaven,
I pray this day with a heart that is bursting at the seams with gratefulness to You. I am unsure of many things, I still do not know where this path is leading, I am scared, I do not trust myself to do these things that You have asked of me, but I do trust You. I trust that You see things in me that I am unaware of, good things that You can use to bring others to You, and I thank You for being willing to help me guide these things to the surface. Thank You for being a God of second, and third, and fourth, and one hundredth chances. Thank You for not giving up on me when we both know that there are other people far more equipped to handle this wonderful opportunity that You have decided to give to me. Thank You, Lord, for believing in me, for filling me with the assurance that You are in control if I just allow You to be, and for taking, yet another, chance on me.
I humbly ask today that You reveal yourself to those who are honestly seeking Your will for their lives. Let them know that You have a plan for their life, a purpose for their days, and a promise that You are just waiting for the chance to fulfill. Be near to those who are longing to be near to You. Honor their desire to serve You, and let them know, Lord, that You have created them with the confidence that they can do marvelous things.
We love You, Lord, and thank You for hearing our prayers.
In Your name we pray,